SUSAN ANGOY

In October 2021 I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Grade 2 hormone sensitive breast cancer in my right breast. Yes, it is early stage, and I suppose I should be thankful that it was not later down the havoc-strewn-path this disease creates in your body. However, thankful I am not, although I’m relieved it is not at a later stage.  

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I am theoretically post-menopausal by chronological age, but I never had a menopause. I’ve been on HRT since I had all my reproductive organs removed when still in my thirties – well, they left me with most of my vagina. 😊 For me, this fact has massive significance for all the implications of my forthcoming treatment. It is not just about survival after cancer, but what the nature of this survival will be.

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I decided to write this blog, first to get my thoughts out of my head in the hope of finding catharsis, but it also occurred to me that there may be others who share some of my thoughts and feelings. My blog is not a factual step by step of all the treatments, surgery, and practical matters, although it might include some of this. But its focus is to chronicle how I feel as I travel through this unknown territory.

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My experience is that there is a lot of conscious and unconscious ageism within health services and the wider population when talking about breast cancer. I get the impression that I should be grateful my survival chances are high. My concerns about what that survival might look and feel like must seem superfluous and almost irrelevant – even by the most well-meaning practitioners. But they are very relevant to me.

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Two and a half years ago my husband died from prostate cancer – diagnosed at Stage 1V. He was one of the unlucky ones. Since then, I’ve tried to rebuild my life and was beginning to see a way forward and yes, to hope for new sexual and emotional attachments – even at my age. Then this.

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I write candidly and at times irreverently, but my voice is always authentic. I sometimes ask the questions and voice the thoughts that many are not invited to ask, or maybe words that some are afraid or bashful to say.

I used to have a reasonably high-profile career in international development and regeneration. Now I write stories, play the piano, dance, and compose songs. Music has been important to me all my life and I’ll be damned if cancer is going to stop Susan Angoy’s music in any way.